January 1, 2012
December 25, 2011
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
December 18, 2011
Two months have gone by since my last post. What?!! I just haven’t been present in that way where coherent, semi-coherent, or even, coherent-to-me sentences form and expect to be released from my overflowing mind onto the”page”. My photographs have been few and far between, as well, trapped behind a creative mind-block the size of a giant, locked, freeze-frame shutter. I’ve been floating around in a tank full of fuzz. I wish I could say (actually, I will never wish such a thing) that the wands of inspiration haven’t zapped me more than once, for then I’ve have something to blame. But, this simply isn’t true. There are the books I’ve read and some films I’ve watched (more on those later). There were my recent strolls through the AGO (to see the Chagall exhibit) and the MOCCA ( which never disappoints), pretty much all of the shows at Mois de la Photo à Montréal this past September (how is it possible I didn’t write about that?!) not to mention Bill’s constant, compositional music-vibe humming through the house each and every day.
Can you hear that… ? That’s my regret loop playing over and over again. Can someone change the reel-to-reel, please? But whose gonna change that sucker if I I don’t? Nobody, that’s who, because nobody but I have the power to do so.
There is so much I wanted to accomplish this year and look(!) the year is almost over. I wanted to change the look of corkscrewcurls. I wanted to get more focused, write more (in general) and take more photos. In 2011 I wanted to drum up some new career options, swim, learn to sew and knit up a wooly storm. I planned to eat less, drink less and exercise more and… and… and (insert sound of me screaming here). I tend to think too much about what I want to do instead of taking that incredible
waste source of energy and investing it into getting whatever is on my long list done. But it’s all about perspective, isn’t it? One gal’s regret is someone else’s kick in the butt, or, pat on the back (there, there), or, gentle nudge to get busy (or at least busier). That odd and nagging feeling of ugh can also serve as a wake-up call. Why not use that gut twisting tug as an opportunity to let yourself of that sharp and dangling hook. To stand up on your tippy-toes in order to rise up and unfasten yourself from the sore spot that’s got you harnessed and swaying over that place that isn’t working anymore. Maybe it’s time to let go. Walk away and find yourself a new perspective to look at your situation. You might discover that whateveritis you’ve been hovering over all these years doesn’t suit you anymore, or, that the new angle your viewing it from has brought it all into focus.
I stumbled on this inspiring TedTalk by Kathry Schulz the other day and thought I’d pass it on.
October 19, 2011
Today is one of those days when I can close my eyes and remember so clearly. I remember each bleep in the quiet corridor of the hospital and the soft padding of the nurses shoes when they walked by your door. I remember holding your hand, absolutely certain you would unconsciously notice me opening your fingers to nestle my cheek in, planting butterfly kisses on your warm palm while softly inhaling you in. I remember how beautiful you looked even moments before dying, telling you my every move even though I made so few of them and how you must have taken my leaving your side (for that brief moment) as your cue to leave me. The knots in my stomach were tighter than usual as I thought how incredibly ridiculous the joke was that the Universe playing as I sat by the phone wondering what I would say, how I’d screw it up like so much else, dreading being the one to break the news. I recall how clear the sky was in the early morning hours and how crisp the air felt on my skin. I remember seeing Mom not long after the calls were made and how her warm embrace had never felt so comforting. I still miss you Dad although over the years the feelings have been tinged with sadness and anger at you for not trusting enough to be yourself. Eight years later there are questions where pure remembrance should be. Despite it all, I love you deeply (depth can be complicated) and I know I always will.
October 10, 2011
Two days off in a row. The temperature that’s tricking me into believing it’s summer. The food on my plate, clothes on my back, roof over my head. My beating heart pounding out the rhythm of my life and deep breaths scented with flowers. My dreams, especially those I dare turn into reality. Insights and the constant desire to make sense of it all. The parts of myself I understand and those pieces unconcerned with who else gets me. My job, my wardrobe and the things in my life I know are much better than my complaints suggest. Family, friends and my constant reminders of being blessed. My safety. My health. My able body. The love I give gladly and receive with open arms. Baking, cooking, shooting an interesting photograph, singing the perfect note, reading a great book, watching a spellbinding movie. Music. Art galleries and public libraries. Nature trails in the city. Freshly laundered clothes and the first sleep on clean sheets. The love of my life. Recognizing beauty. Calm moments and enjoying my own company. Creative inspiration. Knitting and a desire to learn how to sew. Time I’m able to spend doing what I want to. My garden, my office and the effort I’m able to put into making them just right. Self-expression. Learning from others. Each and every one of my sense and the ability to feel. All of my travels and those to come. For all this and more I am truly grateful.
September 2, 2011
I thought ‘d share a few shots I took at my last inhalation of the Abstract Expressionist New York exhibit on loan from the MOMA (and btw I am ITCHING to go to NYC) @ the Art Gallery of Ontario, here until September 4th. It was my second visit to see that treasure trove of self-expression which I found absolutely swoon-worthy on both occasions. With my camera in tow I decided to snap some shots of the abstractions – since photography is allowed at that particular exhibit – but didn’t see much point in taking shots of the art on their own. Instead, I decided to turn my lens on the people taking it all in. I guess you could say, I was people watching as the people were watching… the art. I enjoyed myself. I’ve been wanting to take more shots of people since it’s something I shy away from. I tend to feel self-conscious about it, as if I’m intruding into their personal space. Even though (or maybe because) pretty much all of these shots were taken behind their backs I have to say, I like the result. I hope you do to.
I just noticed this “gallery” setting and thought I’d give it a try. Click on an image to enlarge it and then the next (etc.) to get a more detailed view. Included are works by Arshile Gorky, Helen Frankenthaler, Clifford Still, Lee Krasner, Joan Mitchell, Jackson Pollack and Mark Rothko. (I’m missing one of the names, dang-it, I’ll get back to you on that one.)
August 25, 2011
I was going through a few shots from my archives, trying to expunge as many as possible before my hard drive sinks under the weight of it all, when I came upon this photograph I took during Doors Open back in May. I thought it was pretty funny and quite appropriate since this model, of the city of Toronto one is being asked to throw items at, is on display in the foyer of… (wait for it) Toronto City Hall. Seems as if city council has been lobbing a few our way, lately, and I’m afraid to see what my town is going to look like if some people have their way. Imagine wanting to close some of the libraries in this city. Mind boggling. I am a proud, card-carrying member of the Toronto Public Library and one of my not-so-guilty pleasures in life (I have a lot of guilty ones but that’s another post) is hanging out, dropping in or perusing around its stacked shelves or working at an available table. This is a system that has so much to offer (go ahead and check out their site) that Toronto should be extremely proud to have it and continue to nourish it the way it deserves by making it even better.
I just signed up on Twitter to follow the Toronto Public Library campaign, here. You can read more about the campaign and even sign their petition (I already have) if you like, here. At the website, make sure to go to Media to click on a few stories in the Campaign In The News sidebar on the right. Especially entertaining are some of the nonsensical ramblings from Toronto city councillor, Doug Ford. If that doesn’t make you want to wrap your arms around the Toronto library system, placing it in protective custody, I don’t know what will. Except perhaps this great campaign to help preserve this fine institution.
August 17, 2011
One thing I absolutely adore (besides sarcasm) is to sit down to write a post when I need to leave the house in ten minutes. What adds to the challenge having about thirty minutes worth of errands to accomplish around the
house yard before I go.
I’ve been spending a lot of time in my garden over the last few days, trying to reel in the backyard mud-pile transformation, an endeavour which has spanned a couple of months, eliciting all sorts of emotions. Due to time constraints, I won’t get into it at the moment. I do hope, however, to post a shot or two in the next few days as well as share some of the many metaphors I’ve dug up in relation to life and gardening.
I know you can’t wait. Stay tuned.
August 11, 2011
I’ve been dealing with a few technical problems on site over the last week which have been a little distracting. It can be tricky for me to post at all never mind trying to maneuver through issues other than those that involve my own neurosis. I thought one of the problems had been solved (was working yesterday) but notice today it’s still not functioning the way it should be. Sigh… I did manage to figure out how to work around this glitch but this adds a bit to the effort involved. Still, in the big scheme of things, this is rather a minor deal, however annoying, which may have to do more with the age of my computer (I hope not) than WordPress who I will say have been very present in helping me troubleshoot.
But on to the next problem.
I seem to be unable to insert video clips so I’m going to do a test to see if it works. And if it works, I will than test to see if I can actually post this. If I’m unable to do one or the other (or both) you will notice – or won’t since it wont have worked and will not have posted and the emptiness here will just seem as if I’ve been slacking again.
Okay. That didn’t work. The podcast did though. It was swell and necessary and you can click on the link to check it out.
But this one (the one that took more effort involved) did. Yay!!!/Sigh… Great song. Enjoy. Back to the drawing board.
August 10, 2011
I woke up way too early this morning. I slept well until about 5 a.m. Tossed, then turned for an hour or so then thought… I’m outta here. I made my way downstairs for my morning macchiato and pondered the day ahead. But it’s difficult to ponder when I’m so tired making getting up that early outside of the the point. Laying in bed, I couldn’t help thinking about the various mounds in my life I need to wrangle into some form of accomplishment. My backyard is in shambles, my office is still waiting for a desk suitable to work at, not to mention the work at it I hope to get done. I feels as if I’m at some awesome buffet having piled my plate sky high, only to fork my food around not knowing where to dig in. And anyway, when you try cramming it all in at once you just end up with a gut-ache. The interesting part of the pondering this morning is I saw a pattern. All of these piles of chaos around me in varying shapes and sizes seem to go against everything I desire: to be organized, calm, on top of my game, successful. The real task at hand, I’m thinking, is to go against the grain of what my belief systems keep telling me (shouting at times or whispering in my ear at 5 o’clock in the morning) that I have no idea what I’m doing so why do I bother to try? Because I have to, I say. It’s why I wake up in the morning.
A very good friend of mine sent me this quote by Og Mandino the other day.
I will waste not even a precious second today in anger or hate or jealousy or selfishness. I know that the seeds I sow I will harvest, because every action, good or bad, is always followed by an equal reaction. I will plant only good seeds this day.
I think I will repeat that from I know the seeeds I sow... over and over as my mantra, for a girl needs a good mantra to get her through a sleep-deprived day. And speaking of growing, here’s another one I just found by Mogdino which absolutely fits the bill:
Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial and unimportant things that you have no time to accept a real challenge when it comes along. This applies to play as well as work. A day merely survived is no cause for celebration. You are not here to fritter away your precious hours when you have the ability to accomplish so much by making a slight change in your routine. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. Leave time, leave space, to grow. Now. Now! Not tomorrow!
Amen to that.