Above The Clouds

July 6, 2009

Monday’s are to the week what September is to the year. Sorry to even mention September at the beginning of July but do you know what I mean? September always feels, regardless of how long ago I graduated, like a time to reinvent myself. And, Monday feels like a mini version of that. I often wake up on a Monday feeling as if I’ve been given another chance. It feels like a new day instead of just another day. Or, like a fresh page instead of a blank piece of paper my pens been resting on for that last five days.  For some of us the calendar week starts on a Sunday. Monday is where mine begins.

I made a lot of progress on my room yesterday but have a ways to go before I’m done. I’m okay with that. I can’t expect to cross everything off my exhaustive To Do list (a list I’ve been adding to for years) all in one day. I need to stay focused, keep at it and remain calm. I made a pile of clothes to donate, tossed some stuff in the garbage and cleared some space on my desk. I can breathe again. I feel like I’m on top of the clouds and not submerged in them.

After I worked on my room for a few hours yesterday I went for a long walk on my own. I thought a stroll might help clear my head, and it did. It was a perfect summer day. Bill had gone out for a bike ride and when I got home at around 5 I had the house to myself for awhile. I randomly plucked one of my journals off the heap (this one was from 2005), grabbed a glass of water and headed out to the back yard to start the process of the pre-read rip up. It’s a big decision for me. I’ve grappled with the idea of getting rid of my old diaries before but worried I’d regret it in the end. Maybe I will regret my choice but I’m going to do it anyway. I won’t reveal in any details of what was in it, however, I will say reading this particular volume brought 3 things into mind. 1) There are similar themes in what I was writing about then (some might say whining about) that I’m still dealing with now. But, 2) There’s also a lot I’ve accomplished. I wonder why it’s so much easier for me to scold myself for the things I haven’t done. Weird.  And, 3) I’m making the right choice in deciding to finally let these journals go. Or, at least I hope I am… (No, I am.)

I believe we have to clear some space in our lives for new experience. The more physical and mental clutter we hang on to the more difficult it becomes to manouver about freely. Or at least that’s how it feels to me. Ironically, at the very moment I’m at the hieght of clear out mode the garbage strike rages on. I wonder how many bags (my blue bin is about to explode and I don’t even want to talk about my green bin) of torn diary entries I’ll have to stockpile before the city figures out a way of dealing with their/our clutter. I wish us all luck.

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One Response to “Above The Clouds”

  1. marika said

    your’e totally making the right decision.Every day is a new experience and sometimes holding onto the past actually hold’s us back…we get stuck in our old patterns,I know I end up validating those old patterns by letting myself think “well,that’s just the way I am”,it say’s so right here in these pages.
    Celebrate your accomplishments!!! there are so many!

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