(Day 7) Sleepless In Toronto

July 24, 2009

Didn’t sleep so well last night. Actually, I slept okay it’s the awake part that’s the problem. I opened my eyes at about 4:30 this morning and after winding myself up in my blankets for a couple of hours I decided to just get out of bed. I can’t remember the last time I slept 8 hours straight, or broken for that matter. If my memory serves me correctly, 8 hours is the perfect amount of sleep I need to have me feeling refreshed. Lately, if I can get 6 I’m happy and if it’s a straight 6, I’m ecstatic. Or, I think I would be.

This is how it usually goes: I fall asleep at about 11:30 – 12 just fine. Ah, whew… smooth sailing. On a good night (or early morning) I wake up at about 5:30 then fall back to sleep for another hour or so. But often, I fall asleep as usual, then wake up at 3. I toss on turn for 2 hours, tell myself that if I’m still awake at 6 I’ll get out of bed. By at 5:55 I’m out and when I wake up two hours later, I feel as if I’ve banged my head against the wall for the last couple of hours. Not so good. The worst case scenario has me opening my eyes at 1am…  wide awake. But it’s only my brain that’s peaking, my body feels wiped out and drained and the thought of getting up seems like way more effort than I’m willing to make. I fall asleep for an hour than wake up again and continue the process for most of the night. I don’t want to read. I don’t want to watch television. I don’t want to write. What I want is to sleep and dream and feel rested when I get up in the morning.

I’m not sure what’s  interfering with a my ability to get a solid night’s sleep. I know because I do have a problem sleeping, when my eyes pop open at some unreasonable hour, there’s a mildly panicked sense of… oh no… that can skip the heart to beat just a little to quickly to allow me to slip back into a peaceful slumber. I try to stay calm by regulating my breathing. I inhale slowly and exhale even slower. But after a couple of cycles of breathing the thoughts start dancing in my head. It begins with a slow waltz and keeps building until I’m doing the Twist. I feel too hot. I feel too cold. I want to go under the cover then I want them off. The pillow’s too thick, too thin. And I don’t want to move too much because someone’s in bed next to me trying to maintain a half decent sleep of their own.

Anyway… I’m tired. This dark circled look under my eyes is not the fresh faced effect I care to achieve. But what can I do? Keep breathing, I guess, or find myself a good concealer and see what tomorrow brings.

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