(Day 8) The Battle

July 25, 2009

I wonder why we (and I know I’m not alone here) do things we know are bad for us? Whether it’s chanting, “one more won’t hurt” over and over again until the entire bag of chips (a large one) has been devoured, or topping up the wine glass one more time (might as well since there’s only one pour left in the bottle) after vowing that night to stay dry. It seemed like a good idea at the time… But shortly after the deed is done regret starts seeping through the cracks in the armour you donned to ward off temptation at the beginning of the day.

I don’t get it… When this happens to me I feel as if I’m fighting against myself. When I wage an internal war, though, doesn’t one side of me have to lose? Talk about a useless battle.

It’s difficult to tell sometimes exactly where this internal scrimmage is happening. Is it body vs. brain, or, mind over desire? Is it our spirit (the essence of ourselves that only knows what’s best for us) scrapping with our un-supportive belief systems (those warn out survival techniques we’ve been fine tuning since childhood, that over time, do nothing but stand in our way)? This should or shouldn’t I struggle can seriously knock a person down and leave them feeling wiped out.

Check out this example of a recent conversation I had with myself and tell me if you don’t want to take a nap:

You really ought to pick up that French book.


But isn’t speaking French at the very top of the list of things you want to accomplish?

Look… I’m just in the middle of something here.

I don’t want to be pushy but didn’t you say, about 2 years ago, you wanted to go back to Paris in 2010 but this time speaking French fluently?

Yeah, what of it?

That’s less than a year away.

Maybe if I just crank the volume up… Where did I put the remote?

So you’re just going to sit there and watch another movie? Don’t you walk away from me!

Think I’ll grab some more chips when I’m refilling my wine glass.

Kim! The French book! Let’s go!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Later: Ugh… I feel so groggy. Hm, I wonder how to say that in French? I’ll figure it out tomorrow. I promise.

Okay, maybe only one side of me ends up the winner or looser in these situations. I better keep that in mind when decided how and where to spend my time. Because when the gloves come off I know the side I want to be standing on.


One Response to “(Day 8) The Battle”

  1. Bonjour Kim:

    Si tu veux de parler français, tu dois essayer.

    saoul – drunk (intoxicated)
    assommé – stunned (by bad news)
    abattu – to feel beaten down

    à tout à l’heure


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