stay tuned…

August 30, 2009

Here I am, day four in The Peg, and I can’t seem to get my laptop connected to the internet. Argh… I’ve tried and tried to no avail. I’ve decided to postpone posting my two last entries of the forty three until I get back. You won’t hear from me again (most likely) until September 2nd. For the record, when I started, if you recall (and if you don’t you can read about it here), I did say that if I went away my posts might get interrupted. And, due to technical difficulties, this is exactly what has happened. I’ll admit, I feel a bit disappointed about this but what can I do. I don’t want to spend the better part of my visit fretting about it or ripping my hair out over a computer thang. So, I’ll see you when I get back. Or, you’ll see me – in the last two shots of this series.

To be continued…

Two more days to go before I reach my destination of forty three consecutive posts and I’m running away. Flying actually. I’m off to Winnipeg for a few days to visit family and friends and it’s going to be busy – but great. I have every intention of doing my daily post unless I have trouble with internet access – which I shouldn’t – but ya never know. One place I won’t be visiting while I’m there is  an internet café. If you don’t hear from me, this the reason. I’ll resume posting when I get back including the days I missed.

So I’m off… to catch the subway, to catch the bus, to catch the plane to lift me off to the praires. Hopefully, I’ll catch up with you while I’m there.

(Day 40) Deal With It

August 26, 2009

Man… I’ve got some shit to deal with. Too much time has been spent with my shit dealing with me.

Diary excerpt June 28, 1994

(Day 39) G Day

August 25, 2009

Why does garbage day seem to piss me off so much lately? (I also wrote about it here and here. And by the way, once again the street cleaners came this morning to hose down and dust the street  before the g trucks rolled in. Huh? I’m happy they’re cleaning the road and all but the timing is a bit off. Seems like a waste of effort, time and money.) I didn’t used to get worked up about g day. This morning I noticed someone had strolled over to the curb in front of my place in the wee hours and dropped a few of their bags next to our neatly placed bin. This is not a gimungous (yes, I made up that word) catastrophe but it has left me feeling miffed.

In Toronto, as in other cities around the globe, we have bins (we pay a fee for them depending on the size) that we wheel to the curb. We each get, if I remember correctly, four stickers a  year we can use on garbage bags if we have too much rubbish to fit into the bin whose size we chose. Bill and I chose the mid-size garbage bin and I’m happy to say we rarely fill it to capacity in a month let alone in the two week span between garbage collections. Anyway… the fact that someone decided to put their trash bags next to our bin might have resulted in a fine for us since it would have tipped us into the over the limit category. But, because of the strike, that ended after 39 days of no garbage collection at the end of July, there has been no limit to the amount of trash or recycling we put out on our designated day until the end of this month. So, why am I feeling so burned that someone’s dropped their three bags on my turf?

I guess you could say I’m triggered (or in a transference as some like to call it) into that feeling of someone leaving their mess for me to deal with. You know the feeling… A person can’t be bothered to deal with their junk so they leave it for someone else to tend to. Here… let me dump my crap on your doorstep (or curb as the case may be) because I don’t want to look at it. Gee thanks. Who knows what’s in those bags (I certainly ain’t going to be checking) or why they couldn’t leave it in front of their own house? Don’t go trotting your waste filled baggage for me to look at, or smell, or have anything to do with – I’ve got my own shit to deal with.

Ironically, I’ve been posting for thirty nine days straight – the same length of time the strike lasted for. No wonder I’m so cranky.

(Day 38) You Be The Judge

August 24, 2009

So… Seems as if precedent may be getting set when the other day a case was won against Google forcing them to reveal the name of a blogger who had posted some slanderous  remarks about a model on their site. If you’re interested in the story you can read about it by clicking here. I agree with the ruling in this case. If someone’s going to write libelous and nasty remarks about a person and then post it for the world to see, they shouldn’t be able to hide behind the shield of their computer screen. That’s not to say we have to watch every single word we’re saying. No way…We all have our own opinions and ways of seeing the world that not everyone may agree with. But, if you’re going post lies and sling dirt into somebody’s face you should stand up and take the possible repercussions for that choice. Why bother making up stories about people anyway?

As the theme song for the that great ’70’s television show, Baretta, wisely proclaimed… “Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. No… Don’t do it.” And speaking of crimes, can you believe I didn’t know that was Sammy Davis Jr. singing that song? Crazy. I love that song. I used to watch Baretta all the time. I guess I was too young to make the connection that Sammy Davis Jr. was the groovy cat imparting those words of wisdom. I would have embedded the clip of it I found on YouTube but I haven’t figured out how to do that yet. Sorry.

I’ve always liked the sentiment of those lyrics. Regardless of how simple or severe,  when you commit whatever kind of an offense, whether legal, moral, personal or universal, there’s always a chance you might get busted. Putting the legal issues aside, I think each of us has an unique way of measuring how we honour (or dishonour) ourselves and those around us. This is why it’s difficult (and pointless) to judge another person’s decisions in life. What one person might find deplorable someone else may find completely cool. As long as we aren’t delibarately hurting anyone… And really, I think we know when we’re crossing a line whether we want to admit it or not. In the big picture I don’t think anybody gets away with anything. You may be able to slip under the radar to some degree but often it’s our own conscience can be the harshest judge of  all.

(Day 37) Buzzing

August 23, 2009

I’ve got a bit of those futility blues today. Yeah… that why bother feeling is floating ’round my head like one of those enormously irritating mosquitoes who buzz inside your ear with that insanity inducing drone and are too tricky and elusive to flatten your palm over to stamp out. (Wow, that was a long sentence) Not exactly sure where this feeling emerged from. I just woke up with it. It’s still early though. (Actually, it’s not that early. It’s almost 10:30. Still…) I’m hoping my spirit will wade its way through the mucky waters and start to climb upward, soon.

Ugh…

I have no idea how to spend the day even though I have about 30 items at the top of my household chores checklist (when don’t I?) to tackle. Don’t feel like doin’ any of ’em. I bet if I get a few of things scratched off it will make me feel a bit better. We’ll see…

Ever notice how the word “ill” fits into the word “will”?

Whatever…

(Day 36) Uh… Hello…

August 22, 2009

There are so many things I don’t get about people. There’s plenty I don’t get about myself either but if you’ve be following along here I’m gathering you’ve clamped onto that fact. I’ve witnessed a lot of the I-Just-Don’t-Get-It theme on public transportation. Take this example from yesterday… Is it really necessary to slam that giant burrito into your mouth now?! Here?! On a packed subway car sitting wedged between two strangers? I’m sure you must be hungry, but come on, can’t you wait ten minutes or until you have a bit more space to yourself? How about when someone decides (and this has happened way too often) to select a new ringtone  for their cell phone and proceeds to sample every annoying possibility while sitting right beside me – or so close it feels like they are – while I’m trying to read. Puh-lease… Cell phone use in general can really push a lot of my I-Don’t-Get-It buttons so I may need to write about that topic in a post of its own. And another thing… I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen (or heard) people CLIPPING THEIR NAILS (fingernails Thank God!) on the TTC. Give me a break. This is where I stand up and walk away. If a stray shard ever  happened to nick any part of my person, I think I’d lose my mind.  Let it be written, nail clipping must be filed (haha) under the category of personal hygiene and should only be executed in the privacy of one’s home. Speaking of personal hygiene, let’s move away from public transportation, shall we, and pay a visit the to the women’s washroom. What’s up “ladies” with the amount of urine left on the toilet seats in public washrooms. Huh? Huh? I understand some of us need to do the squat thing (sorry fellas if you’re cringing here but this is a fact of life) but (butt?) even so… I still don’t understand. If you (by chance?!) happen to dribble on the toilet seat… WIPE IT OFF!!!! This is not complicated stuff. Clean up after yourself. That goes for throwing used hand towels (and other items) into the garbage. And also, don’t forget to flush. Wow… One more thing before I go. I don’t understand when two or more people are walking side by side on the sidewalk and not one of them will break form to allow anyone to pass. I’ve had to scale fences, dive into traffic, stop dead in my tracks or crawl between people’s legs just to get from point A to B. And I’m telling you… one of these days there’s going to be trouble. So move the F’ over. I’m not asking you to change direction. I’m not asking you to stop moving along. I just want one person in the pack to shift into single file so I can continue on my way at the same pace you are.

There are some spaces we to share out there so let’s get it together.

(Day 35) Friday Again?

August 21, 2009

Is it Friday already?! That went by fast. I have a lot of loose ends to tie up today. I’m very pleased that I managed to hit the deck again this morning. On my walk over I figured out how to deal with the pool’s closure between Sept 7 – 27 to keep me on track. I plan to wake up at least two days of those weeks and get started as if I were going for a swim. Instead of going to the pool, though, I’ll go for a walk or (yikes) mild jog. Something to keep me in the groove. Otherwise…

Today’s swim felt a bit more challenging then the previous plunge on Monday. I felt tired and a little out of shape at times. I kept reminding myself it’s been a long time since I last swam on a regular basis and to be patient. It takes time to get back on track. It would serve me well to take a swimming lesson or two. I can manage pretty well for the most part, but if I had some proper training on breathing technique and learned a couple more strokes, things could take a turn for the better. The pool I go to now is absolutely fine. But, the pool in the community centre at Trinity Bellwoods Park, where I used to go, was wonderful. It has huge windows and I remember a couple of mornings in the winter they kept some of the overhead lights off so the natural light streamed in. Ah… Loved that. When I started swimming there I felt a bit intimidate because my  technique (or lack of one) was pretty shaky. After I had been going there for awhile a couple of the life guards and a fellow swimmer gave me a few suggestions that helped me out a lot. Man, when you do something properly what an enormous difference it can make. I’d like to learn how to do that flip over turn thing you do at the end of a length. I usually stop after each length to catch my breath. I look forward to the day I can go for several laps without stopping.

I’m going to buy a new bathing suit today. I had to really watch myself when I stood up out of the water. To play it safe I remained in a hovered squat position when I was in the shallow end. Didn’t want a swimsuit malfunction to occur.

Last night we had an awesome storm in Toronto. My sister, who lives in the west side of town, called to see if the storm had hit the east end (it hadn’t) and to shut my windows on the west side of the hou… Her power cut out so I lost her. A few minutes later the sky got real dark. Then, the breeze picked up, thunder and lighting ripped and crackled across the sky and the rains began to fall. I love a good rain storm. I find the energy attached to them exciting. After it stopped raining the sky got light and turned a greenish yellow colour – almost like a muted glow. It was truly beautiful. I found out this morning tornadoes had torn through Ontario. Many people were left without power. On my way home from the pool I noticed trees branches tossed into yards and debris in the middle of the roads. Outside of the city was much worse. One person died and many homes and businesses were severely damaged.

The mightiness of nature…

(Day 34) Hm…

August 20, 2009

I want to be more out going but I don’t know where to go…

Diary exerpt January 17, 1993

(Day 33) The Nibbles

August 19, 2009

I feel a slight edge this morning. The nibbley teeth of anxiety are nipping at my heels. I must stay one step ahead of the annoying chomp since I have zero desire of allowing the feeling to sink its teeth in. I think this is about the piles that have formed (yet again) around my work space. The papers, notes, lists, books and journals… they don’t seem to go away. I’m so much more organized in some ways then I was a few months ago. But, I still don’t have it completely together. As much as I cherish my work space, the set up is a little awkward. Usually, I’m okay with this but sometimes, like now, it makes me want to scream. The best remedy is to claw my way through the anxiety and straighten things up so I can breath. The tricky part is I only have so much storage space. Where do I put it all? I’ll figure it out. I know I can’t just stand here knee deep in the jitters.

I didn’t go swimming this morning as I claimed I would but hold on… I’ve decided to go on Friday instead. I want to go twice this week and going on Friday spaces things out (I’m spaced out enough as it is- haha?) better. Also, I like to leave a few days between washing my hair otherwise a major frizz will set in. I’m frazzled enough at the moment, thank you very much.