(Day 24) Steppin It Up

August 10, 2009

For two and a half weeks now I’ve started each post with the day’s count. And each time, for one reason or another, I get a mild shock. At first, the jolt had to do with the amount of days I had (still have) left to fulfill my self imposed (inflicted?) challenge to post forty three days in a row. Now that I’m over half way there, I’m surprised at how many I’ve actually done. This morning when I entered 24 I was convinced I’d skipped a few numbers somewhere along the way. But I haven’t. The days are rolling on.

I still have so much I’d like to take care of before the leaves start to change (sorry to bring that up) that at the velocity the days seems to be traveling, I’d better step it up. At the beginning of the summer I jumped into organizing my office and although I’ve come a long way, I’ve also let things slide. It all began with me tearing (quite literally) through my journals. I still have a neat stack of them leaning against my wall and haven’t cracked one open in at least week. Every time I look over there I think, ugh… I really want them outta here. I want to read them one last time before turning them into tiny bits of confetti. Flipping through memory lane can be… interesting…  it can also be time consuming. It’s a bit like going to the pool (one more thing I still haven’t done). Once I’m there it’s great – it’s just getting there. There’s so much stuff around the house I need to get done I won’t even bother to list them all. Let’s not get started with the other areas in my life in need of attention. I already mentioned the pool and I can’t blame the city strike on that one anymore. The pool I go to (or went to twice in two years) is run by the city and was closed during the strike. That was one good thing about the strike. It provided me with a valid excuse to stay on dry land. But if I really wanted to go swimming (which I do) I would have found an alternative pool (which I didn’t), right?

The longer I let things pile up the heavier they press against me because I don’t just let them go. I keep looping them through my head over and over and round and round they go.

Why do I (we?) put off doing what I know damn well will make me feel better? It makes no sense. I guess, in a way, this is connected to what I was rambling about yesterday. It’s as if I’m allowing these unfinished or unattended to tasks in my life distract me from myself. Does that make sense? I know it all must sound so simple. Just get the bloody job done, Kim. But I feel like I have this magnet built inside of me pulling me away from what I want to get done. Who’s in charge here anyway?Avoiding all of this stuff makes me feel tired because although nothing’s getting done my mind is constantly spinning. Its thinking about how exhausting it will be to do the job instead of actually doing it that wipes me out. The effort required to cross a few of these items off my list may involve some sweat but when it’s done at least I can relax. It’s having the stuff hang over my head that zaps my energy.

Okay… I’m feeling motivated. I want to change my magnet. Switch that charge from negative to positive. I need to remember that breaking a pattern involves effort. If I’m not satisfied with the way things are I have to change the way things are. Gandhi said: We must become the change we want to see. That concept works on so many levels.

Once again I’m thinking abut what I wrote yesterday. I need to decide what I want and then take the steps to make that happen. Personally, I think the more of the external clutter (aka distractions) I tend to, the easier it will be for me to take a good look inside.

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2 Responses to “(Day 24) Steppin It Up”

  1. Julie DeCosta said

    Beautiful pics girlie!

    Check out my comments on cemeteries and coffee! Keep up your writing…love reading the entries.

    XO

  2. Mommy X said

    This means that I actually have to get off my ass and fold that laundry that’s been sitting there for days doesn’t it…wonder what Ghandi would say about laundry? Maybe something like “get it done…because nobody is going to do it for you”!!!

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