Note To Shelf – I mean – Self…

September 4, 2009

DO NOT… under any circumstances… remove the sticky shelf paper stuff then adhere new sticky shelf paper stuff, on the five shelves in your pantry, unless you want to either a) end a loving and solid relationship (even though he’s not even home and has no idea what you’re doing.), b) throw yourself on the kitchen floor, curl into a tight ball and weep like you’ve never wept before, c) Run into the street and start randomly punching strangers, or (of course) d) all of the above.

After two attempts, I finally finished sorting and re-lining the shelves in my pantry and it wasn’t pretty. Those m.f.n’ shelves must weight about 50 lbs a piece and in order to remove the lower ones I had to remove all of the shelves above them. This entailed removing every item off all of the shelves (I’m sweating just thinking about it) which hold quite a lot of kitchen related items – which, in turn, all need to be put back. This wouldn’t be so bad if I HADN’T ALREADY DONE THIS ONCE. That time, about three weeks ago (where the hell does the time go?) I ran out of the sticky shelf paper stuff after emptying the entire contents of the aforementioned pantry. I was so damned proud of myself, too, for finally setting out to tackle the job that I had to stop patting myself on the back in order to get a firm grasp of my hair and start pulling. Poor Bill came home today just as I was trying to hoist up and lodge the second shelf back into place. When he (as is his way) pleasantly said hello and asked if I needed a hand I almost bust a nerve in the side of my neck while telling him, “No… I don’t need any help… grrrrrr…. I can do it on my own.” I have no idea how he heard me through those clenched teeth but he slowly backed away.

Anyway, it’s done now. Save for a couple of a small nicks, numerous tears and few minuscule dropplets of blood (mine, not Bill’s) I have to say, it might not be perfect but it does looks pretty good.

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