Happy Hallowe’en

October 31, 2009

I knew I played the pumpkin card too soon. I was rooting around my photo archives for some scary shots and all I could come up with were various versions of myself (ooooooooooooo spoooooooooookeeeee…). I decided to settle on this less unsettling snap of one of the many pumpkins I’ve roasted this season (so far) and devoured both in seed and flesh form. Within a few days I hope to share a few fantastically delicious and simple recipes with you but until then…

Happy Hallowe’en!!!

If your dressing up tonight (which I’m not) I hope you’re donning something with an eerie, mysterious or sinister vibe (hm, I dress that way all  the time). Somehow, Hallowe’en has become more of a generalized costume show than anything else. But whatever… as long as the kiddies are having a good time prowling the streets in search of sugar laced loot. I hate to admit our house will be remaining dark tonight. I work this evening and by the time I get home most of the festivities should be over. Hopefully next year I’ll be able to dole out the peanut free treats (the only snacks handed out from my house) to the hoards of youngins howling at my door.



Knotty Girl

October 30, 2009

The other day, exactly a week before a new session was due to begin, I went to take a placement test for a french class I’ve been eying for, oh… about 5 years, maybe longer. That is so me, think… think… think about doing something I really want to do, then think some more and then spend a few more days, months or years – depending on what the thing I’ve been thinking about might be – before jumping into it. At the placement test, where someone asked me a bunch of questions in en francais, I was told that if I completed about 20 pages in the workbook she showed me I would probably be ready for the third level in the beginners course. Cool. So that is what I signed up for. The problem was, I didn’t realize how much work I had in front of me until I sat down on Monday, my only day off before my first class on Wednesday began. A few hours into it I started to panic.

It absolutely amazes me how one’s shit (for lack of a better word) rises to the surface once we awaken the certain parts of ourselves we’ve allowed to fall asleep. For me, I noticed the edginess creeping onto my shoulders and gut when I sat down to work. I swear these are the same patterns I unconsciously battled as a school girl – No idea how to organize myself, constantly fighting distractions, self conscious about my hand writing, overwhelmed by the work load and on and on. I have no idea how I made it through high school with so many knots in my stomach. And a battle waged within one’s gut unconsciously (which is what was happening during my formative years) is even worse than what I’m was dealing with now. At least, now, I recognize I’m being triggered by old patterns and I can try to change them. Now, I know better then to care about my penmanship or care about how I look. But it’s the feelings (edgy, anxious, gut twisters) that need to catch up with brain (don’t worry so much you’ll be fine). I felt panicked that f I didn’t complete the french work correctly and on time, I’d make a fool  of myself on the first day of class. Since I had chosen to skip a couple of levels, I wondered how I’d hold up with the others in my course. “Worse case scenario, Kim”, I told myself, “is that you either drop one level down, or simply run away. Relax, you’ll be fine.”, I said. And as it turned out I was.

I definitely have a lot of work to do before I understand everything my teacher was saying but it felt good to be there. I guess the best way to work through the tangled mass inside my belly is to keep breathing evelnly and start untwisting one knot at a time.

October 29, 2009

I have been so busy lately I can barley think straight. I decided I’d make an attempt at crossing a thing or two off my list from July 18th and in a day or two I’ll be posting a progress report.

Stay tuned…

October 27, 2009

Busy… busy… busy…

That Was Fun!

October 26, 2009


Now… if only we could get more people to walk, or ride their bikes, than use their cars.

(BTW, this is my first embedded video. It wasn’t as difficult as I thought.)

What Time Is It?

October 25, 2009

Woke up this morning at supposedly 6:48 with a light sky. What the fah…?

It seems as if some of my electronic devices are running on the old school Daylight Savings times table. My alarm clock and the VCR in my bedroom (whose glowing time I always consult in the dark) both fell back an hour allowing/forcing me to sleep past my wake up time. As if I’m not confused enough in the morning trying to figure out what day of the week it is? It took me an extra twenty minutes to understand why all of a sudden waking up before 7 wasn’t leaving in the dark.

Just a heads up to anyone living in the confusing Daylight Saving shift zone. Check all of your self adjusting clocks. BTW, I’m pretty sure Daylight Savings is next weekend, November 1st.

I better run since I work today and now I’m late.

Misty Water Coloured…

October 23, 2009

During the last two lengths of the pool this morning, while using the flutter board, I snapped my goggles onto my forehead and pushed the sides of my bathing cap up over my ears. Along with the sights and sounds coming in more clearly these thoughts floated into my head:

I remembered my first swimming lessons at the West Kildonon Pool (I think that’s what it was called?) in Winnipeg on Mountain and Mac Gregor. I thought of my (by then divorced) parents who took me to those lessons. It was mostly my mom from what I recall. It’s all a little murky since it happened over 35 years ago. This conjured up the image of the house I grew up in and the pine trees that towered over my head when I was a little girl. All of this in the span of a few minutes.

As far as I know, the pool no longer exists. My dad’s no longer with us. Those pine trees tower over the roof of that house I grew up in, although the house is still in the family. And, my mother… she’s as lovely as ever.

I was going to write… “Isn’t amazing how things change?” In a way, yes. But, it’s also interesting how I’d expect them not to. To think how many lives I’ve lived since then.

Pumpkins and Stuff

October 22, 2009

Trying to accomplish 4 – 10 things at once usually yields mediocre results and a mild case of anxiety induced depression.

But, at least, it’s pumpkin season.

The Visitor

October 20, 2009

I saw a movie last night, written and directed by Thomas McCarthy called, The Visitor.  I should have known I’d love it since McCarthy also wrote and directed The Station Agent (another great film you should check out). If you’re the type of person who likes over the top, action packed blockbusters (which I also like from time to time) this may not be the film for you. This one is even keeled with strong writing and an amazing cast. It stars Richard Jenkins, whose name you may or may not be familiar with, but who you’ve probably seen in more than one flick before. He had a part in Flirting With Disaster (another one I recommend) as well as numerous other roles, including the father in Six Feet Under whose car gets smashed in the first episode. I’ve always liked Jenkins and loved seeing him here in the lead role.

If you’ve read the one or two recommendations I’ve made before you’ll remember I don’t like saying too much. I’d rather just steer you in the right direction and let you be the judge.

October 19, 2003

October 19, 2009

2003 was a milestone year. My grandmother, on my mom’s side, turned 100 years old and I went to Jamaica with my mom, step father, two of my brothers and sister to celebrate the occasion. We had a grand time. It was also the year my father was diagnosed with lung cancer. He was 67 years old and shifted from healthy to deceased in a matter of months. In 2003, two men died in my presence on separate occasions. One of them, a man my father shared a hospital room with at Concordia Hospital in Winnipeg, in mid June. The other was my father, who died on October 19th of the same year. I thought I’d never recover from that one. But, I did.

We have no idea what we are capable of until we’re doing it. If I had ever imagined a year like that (and I never, in my wildest dreams or nightmares, did) I would not have predicted my survival. I tied and untied so many knots in my gut (bigger knots than usual) I’m surprised I didn’t hang myself.

It’s times like these where living in the moment really pays off. We get so attached to things being a certain way that when they change so rapidly, or dramatically, or both, it’s a real challenge to keep our heads and hearts from exploding. When I look back on it, I think I did okay. Yeah, I wish I had done a few things differently – but I could say that about so many things in my life. Anyway, we can’t change the past – just, hopefully, learn from it, grow.

I will be forever grateful, though, that I was there. I held his hand pretty much all through the night and few hours of early morning. Except for some time just before 3:00, when I slipped out of the chair I had wedged beside his hosptial bed at Riverview, to stretch my legs and toss some water on my face. It was then he decided to let go, too. It was funny (but not in a funny way) when I found myself making the calls to tell them what had happened. How did I end up in that chair? The whole time when Dad was in palliative care one of my biggest fears (and there were quite a few) was that I’d have to relay some juicy piece of information to my family and somehow I was going to fuck it up. But what can you do? You make the calls, you hold the hands, you try to keep inhaling and exhaling and sharing the love the best you can. That’s just the way life goes.