I’ll Show You…

November 10, 2009

Now, why the effe didn’t my alarm clock go off this morning? I suppose if I can’t figure that one out why would I except anyone else to? It doesn’t hurt to ask though, right?

So…

My class was absolutely fine last night. When I arrived, before le professeur entered the room (meaning I could secretly speak in English) I was telling my classmates how I felt about the test we had the week before. I didn’t bring up all of the past emotional trigger stuff that I wrote about a few days ago. But, I did tell them there are certain parts of the class I find baffling, especially where oral comprehension is concerned. I was happy to hear we all find it somewhat baffling (yes, misery does love company). I’m thinking this is all a part of the learning process (bafflement and all). If we just stick to it, one day we’ll  get it. Et, voila. I think I was mainly concerned because I’d never taken a course before and felt I was out of my league. But, it seems as if we’re all on the right (or at least same) track.

This all reminds me of my first (and only) year of  university when I took an English Literature course. After the first test, given during the first week of school, the prof came up to me a day or two later and basically told me she didn’t think I’d cut it in her class. (I’m mellllllllltiiiiiiiiiiiiing… ) Oh, the humiliated feeling I can conjure to this day. What I wish I had done was thank her for the opinion (as in, “yeah… whatever, like, thanks”) then worked my ass off to prove her wrong. Instead, I plastered a fake, half mortified expression on my face, swallowed and ocean’s worth of tears then spent a very long time pretending it didn’t matter.

This time around is different but I’m sure the beating of my heart after class last week had a rhythmic connection to my English Lit class some 20 years ago. It helps that Monseuir Professeur in my French class is very supportive (or at last I think he is. If only I could understand him.) And now, I seem to be my harshest judge.

I’ll show me.

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