Should I, or, Shouldn’t I?

December 18, 2009

I just finished reading another book, The Glass House by, Jeannette Walls. Another memoir. Devoured it in a few days, which considering how busy I should be, is quite impressive. Impressive, that is, if impressions are based on keeping ones eyes drawn toward the page and away from all of the other things one should be crossing off their arm’s length list of To Do’s.

Should is a strange word. It denotes procrastination (as if I need any help in that department) and obligation which I don’t like feeling, either. It would be a great exercise for me to take all of the should-be-doing’s in my life and change them into want-to’s or I-must’s. For example: I should stop reading this or that great book and straighten my desk because I’m beginning to feel a bit claustrophobic. Or, I really should start knocking a few items off my list here instead of thinking about doing it.  All I need do is exchange the “should” to want, desire, pine to do, can’t live without, etc… and in no time, I will  see/hear/feel the attitude change. What I really should must do is gather all of my shoulds in a pile and decide what they truly are. I’m guessing about 85% of them (and this is a rough estimate) are actually things I want to accomplish or have a deep desire to attain. Attaching that should-y quality makes them feel heavy and sluggish instead of fulfilling and life enhancing. The other 15% I’d say are things I think I should be doing out of obligation or misguided belief that that the way things (yes, you guessed it) should be done. I imagine I could cross most of those off my list all together and be done with it.

Basically, all I’m saying is, it pretty much boils down to a change in attitude. Should I tidy my desk or do I want to? And, to be honest with you just writing that makes me want to slap myself. Just tidy your desk already, Kim. (Some of this stuff is so trivial.) I must stop should-ing over everything and dive in. I needed to pep-talk myself this morning. Now, I should get out the door if I want to make it in to work on time.


I was late.


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