What’s My Motivation?

February 7, 2010

I haven’t felt very motivated to post lately. No, not that I haven’t wanted to but the words are all jammed up – again. What can I say when the words escape me? There are days, such as these, when I stare at the blank screen for a while, fingertips poised over the keyboard, in their way (I never did take typing in school and have developed my own… ahem… system), until I have to walk away. Ironically, when I’m in this kind of situation, this what-to-write-about-head-space, one of the best things I can do is to sit quietly for a while. To calm my mind down enough to smooth over the edginess to create the surface required, I guess, for an idea to take root. That’s the problem with over thinking, or at least, my problem with it. It’s not necessarily a lack of something to write about, it’s more, which one to I grab on to? And, once I have hooked on to it, how do I express myself? There are only so many hours in a day. How many can I afford to… expend (I hate the word waste in this context) this way.

(By the way, I had a bit of a revelation yesterday but I’m not ready to write about it yet. I think I’ll mull it over for a little while. Just thought I’d put that out there.)

It’s interesting… Deciding to do this. To write this blog. To sit here, putting myself in this position. What for? I know I’ve asked this question before, but really… It’s not like I have anyone to answer to, so why do it? Why be faced with these/those moments when I feel a bit let down with myself (not that often) when I have nothing to say, or the lack of words to express myself when I do? It’s difficult to explain but it’s a gut feeling that draws me here. Not everyday is a masterpiece but there is pleasure in attempting form something... To snap a shot, or to pull a thought out and say what I mean. Yeah, it’s satisfying to work through the mishmash. As much as the spinning wheels inside my head can throw me off course at times, it’s part of my process. I find it fulfilling, as difficult as it can be at times, to wade though the knots and blocks and tangles. To walk away when I have to, scratching my head, wondering what’s wrong. It feels necessary to grab on to it (whatever it is) and twist, bend, shape, reshape, crumple up and smooth over… to strive to make it work. Because sometimes it does and that’s what keeps me trying.

There… I feel better.


4 Responses to “What’s My Motivation?”

  1. Dennise said

    i’m glad you blog, it’s an escape in my day when you do. so eloquent. absolutely one of my faves. ❤

  2. Blog, blog, blog, kind of sounds like ba-hum-bug, doesn’t it? Regardless of what you choose to share, there is always someone in this wonderful, virtual world that can relate and as a fellow blogger, I do. It is such a great forum we share and, whatever the feelings and ideas swirling around in our minds, just typing them into this window, is an outlet that leads to “healthy sanity”, so keep it coming!

    • Kim said

      You’re right… As crazy making as it can be, blogging provides me with an outlet towards (I hope) the “healthy sanity” I am always striving towards. Thanks so much for your words of encouragement!!!

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