4) Moon Shadow

February 17, 2010

The night before last, in the midst of all that tossing and turning, I had a multitude of jumbled bits roaming around my head. I’m sure if I had seen an X-ray of my noggin it would have looked like one of those clear bubbles pitching about the numbered balls for a bingo game. Or maybe, a hot-air popper blasting those kernels around until they burst into a fluffy, well-formed, mouth-watering ball of popcorn. I can assure you, at no time during my restless tumble did I feel the urge to shout out the word, BINGO! Nor did any of the thoughts ricocheting off the side of my skull puff out into anything fluffy or mouth-watering. But, I did take mental note of the dizzying array of items whizzing past my wide open eyes. By the looks of my moonlit inventory, one might imagine I spend my days fretting about anything and everything – big or small. This simply isn’t true. There is so much in my life I am hand-claspingly grateful for, however, this doesn’t mean there isn’t room to change or grow – although settling and accepting, to some degree, might be a bit less tiring. Anyway, what better time to start grappling over this stuff then when it’s too late, and I’m too tired, to actually do anything about it? Here’s a day old mini sampler of my pre-mid-morning churn-fest – in no particular order – except for when…:

  • it all started after I immediately panicked once I looked at the clock and noticed it was both too late and too early to get out of bed. (this is my insomniatic pattern, which by the way, has not been happening as often as it used to. I slept rather well last night. Yay!) Then, I tried not to think about…
  • scratching the giant hive on my swollen knee that was so itchy it was making my eyes cross. (it seems to be getting better)
  • All the papers I have to sort through. The journals (still) and photographs, etc. Then,
  • The books I want to finish reading. I wondered if I should get up and start reading, even though I was head splittingly sleepy. Then again I was also wide awake…  (I just picked up Mary Karr’s recent bio, Lit, from the library at close to 400 pages and another book just came in. Both of which I waited for, really want to read and probably can’t renew. Then I thought,
  • I need to make more money. Closely followed by;
  • What the hell am I doing with my life? (insert an extra toss and turn here) Yes, yes… I have a fine job and all but I figure I must have been absent the day they spoke about the importance of choosing one’s vocation in high school? (That was about 25 years ago, by the way) And, who the hell knows what they want to do with their lives when their seventeen? Lots of people, I think. Ugh… Followed by;
  • I want a new camera. I adore my Panasonic Lumix TZ2 (point and shoot) but I’m looking for something I can play around with more. Then of course;
  • I need more money.
  • Mmmm…. Coffee (this popped in at about 3:55 AM. A touch too early for me.) Then,
  • I thought about the mouse I had a hand in… eliminating a few years back and have felt sorry about ever since. Then,
  • I sent out a ripple-effect, energy-wave  apology to Mickey and anybody else who I thought I might owe one to. Sorry….
  • Then I thought about all the photos I still need to delete in iPhoto and the emails I still need to delete in my inbox (whenever I think of one I think of the other).
  • I thought about my blog, how I’d like to improve it and the various topics I want to write about (except I was too tired to actually jot any of it down). Speaking of not writing it down;
  • I penlessly and silently composed several poems, a novel and my award-winning memoir (talk about sleep inducing).
  • I thought of all the travelling I’d like to do, the blanket I’m knitting and hope to one day finish, photographs I’d like to take, how I’m going to exercise more, eat better and the stuff I’d like to take care of around the house (painting, decorating, organizing blah, blah, blah…).
  • And then I thought of them all over again
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One Response to “4) Moon Shadow”

  1. Dennise said

    I, too was absent during the ‘do something you love’ day at school…or, marry rich. My word of advice to my kids is exactly that, find something that you love to do and do it well..that way you don’t have to marry rich.

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