39) Banquets and Bouquets

December 31, 2010

The year started out in a flurry of petals...

One thing I’m finally starting to get after forty some-odd (some very odd, yes) years is that I need a little structure in my life. Unfortunately, structure has been a touch slippery in my life and hard to grasp a hold of. Whoops, there it goes again. I feel as if I’ve been drifting all these years refusing to seriously select a destination (i.e. goal) for fear of making a mistake. I keep forgetting what Lilias Folan once said on her show in the seventies, “there are no mistakes just miss takes”. Instead, I’ve worried that if a make a wrong choice and start cultivating the land on my life’s horizon, land with soil watered by my sweat, nerves and possible tears, I might get anchored in the mud or worse, sink. Then what would become of me? Problem is, in avoiding to choose that (whatever that is) goal to follow, I’ve wound up in the very place I feared I would fall. Stuck.

This coming year I will be (eek!) forty-five and I still have no real clue of what I’m after (how did this happen? read the first paragraph.) True, I’ve set my sights on a few endeavours (writing project, French lessons… ) but my navigation system is way off. At times I feel like there is an electrical pull inside of me constantly yanking me away from my semi-goals, forcing me to do things the way I’ve always done them and it can be exhausting. Also, some of those things simply do not work.

Einstein once said – Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

How true.

2010 has been a pretty good year and as always I am thankful for my health, my family and friends. I am so incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by some mighty beings. I feel grateful for my job, the roof over  my head, my table and everything on it. And, most definitely I’m thankful for Bill.

My hope for tomorrow, 2011, though, is that I turn it up a notch or two. I want to keep on doing what I’ve set out to do – but better, stronger and with more effort involved. If my life were a recipe (and it is in a way) I hope to season it with fresh herbs and flavourful spices. I want to stir it up, dip my finger in to test its consistency and then remove or add whatever might be required. I don’t want to get stuck on what’s been written. I want to add pepper to taste (my taste) and adjust accordingly. I do not want to simmer or stew or mull it all over until its over-cooked. Or, take it off the stove before it’s ready. No… No more half-baked meals for me, please. I want to harvest the wisdom I’ve gathered all these years and create the best dish possible. Me. On my forty-fifth birthday this summer I’m going to celebrate my accomplishments – whatever they are. In the meantime, I hope to fill my days with life’s beautiful, overflowing bounties.

I fell a few short of 52 lists this year but let’s see what the new year brings.

List 39 – In 2011 I hope to…

  • keep looking up and around
  • take more photographs
  • write
  • drop the P word from my vocabulary (procrastination. Buh-bye!)
  • try new things and go new places
  • travel
  • laugh as much as possible
  • shed the tears that need to be shed (let me go!)
  • eat, drink and me merry. Healthily. (with a few indulgences thrown in for good measure.)
  • spend time with my family and friends
  • spend time with myself
  • grow… grow… grow…
  • keep blogging (actually you might be seeing some changes over here.)
  • rest and feel more energized (lose the bags under my eyes!)
  • get rid of the excessive clutter
  • tackle as much of my list as possible
  • keep listing

There is so much I want to do this coming year I could go on forever.

... and ends with a flower, too.

May your New Year be filled with banquets and bouquets!


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